Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Sorority Row, Sisters 'til the End...Which is Imminent

Now this is a slasher classic!  2009's "Sorority Row" has lots of stunning actresses.  Most of them will die horrible and gory deaths at the hands of a caped fiend.  Girls in bikinis....girls in evening gowns...girls in PJs....girls in the shower....then add....cat-fights....sex on the shrink's couch carnage...dumbwaiter carnage...hot-tub carnage....mine shaft carnage...tire-iron carnage...and more! Oh yes...throw in pre-marital sex, drinking, orgies, gratuitous shower scenes...and a shotgun wielding Carrie Fisher. For you women out there, each of these babes have hunk BFs....and most of them will die similar horrible deaths. Let us begin.
Meghan (Audrina Patridge) dies (...accidentally murdered) in a prank.  Her sorority sisters, led by Jessica (Leah Pipes) dump her body in a mine shaft. All have reputations to protect and vow the secrecy of sisterhood. Will Meghan stay in the mine-shaft? We'll see.  Cassidy (Briana Evigan) is against the cover-up, but her sultry sisters threaten to blame her for the murder if she goes to the cops. As our shallow and superficial sisters plan for their next orgy, they all begin receiving texts from Meghan's phone.  These texts are pics of the grisly death.  Unnerved, they continue planning their party, and bicker.  Unfortunately for them, the texts are followed by murder.  The girls start falling as the same tire iron which killed Meghan is back...retro-fitted with four blades.  
Uh oh!  Guess who suddenly shows up!  Meghan!  Not really, it is actually Meghan's sister, Maggie,who is a spitting image of the doomed Meghan.  The girls are spooked by this as it appears that Maggy has a malevolent purpose for dropping in.  Now Ellie (Rumer Willis) is losing it, and Jessica worries if she will spill their secret.  Claire (Jamie Chung) also realizes they should have gone to the police, but her fate (see picture below) will prevent that.  Now, as the girls host a major post-graduation party, an uninvited visitor wielding the aforementioned tire-iron (see above picture) arrives.  Fire, explosions, Molotov cocktails, axes, flare guns, shotguns, and a spunky Briana Evigan will rule the last 30 minutes of this film.
The sexier the girl, the gorier the death.  Will Jessica, the biggest b***h have the most colorful death? Will the tenets of sisterhood go out the window as our babes begin to panic?  What about Meghan...will she reappear before the end of the film?  You can probably guess at the answers to those questions.  Available on Netflix, for lots of gratuity and exploitation, see "Sorority Row."
 

4 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Saw this one and read your review with a muted smile. I mean, seriously, what's not to like about a gaggle of supposed college-aged beauties getting whacked after being naughty in so many ways...naughty and dispatched.
    But, must confess that the appearance of Carrie Fisher in this one was pure Roquefort cheese that failed to enhance the flavor of the sorority sleaze. This quasi-porn-corn would have faired better without her, IMHO.
    Neat slasher movie filled to the brim with scantily-clad babes soon to be covered in blood.
    I'd rate this one 2.5 Pedes...the generous .5 is for the obvious.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Saw this one and read your review with a muted smile. I mean, seriously, what's not to like about a gaggle of supposed college-aged beauties getting whacked after being naughty in so many ways...naughty and dispatched.
    But, must confess that the appearance of Carrie Fisher in this one was pure Roquefort cheese that failed to enhance the flavor of the sorority sleaze. This quasi-porn-corn would have faired better without her, IMHO.
    Neat slasher movie filled to the brim with scantily-clad babes soon to be covered in blood.
    I'd rate this one 2.5 Pedes...the generous .5 is for the obvious.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Saw this one and read your review with a muted smile. I mean, seriously, what's not to like about a gaggle of supposed college-aged beauties getting whacked after being naughty is so many ways...naughty and dispatched.
    But, must confess that the appearance of Carrie Fisher in this one was pure Roquefort cheese that failed to enhance the flavor of the sorority sleaze. This quasi-porn-corn would have faired better without her, IMHO.
    Neat slasher movie filled to the brim with scantily-clad babes soon to be covered in blood.
    I'd rate this one 2.5 Pedes...the generous .5 is for the obvious.

    ReplyDelete