Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Uya: A Beast Like No Other, by Ron Shaw

Nightfall...when all the horrors begin to stir. Horror fans know the score.  Behind the tree line, it watches and waits.  Perhaps you sense it is there.  It senses that you sense it, so it is careful as it plots. Perhaps it waits hours, maybe days...or weeks...but now its ready.  It strikes with confidence and viciousness.  The thirst and hunger will be satisfied and blood will be drained...a lot of blood.  Hence Uya: A Beast Like No Other by my good friend Ron Shaw.  What lies in the woods?  Wrong question.  The right question will horrify you and change the way you think.  Everything about this Ron Shaw work is terrifying...no fluff in this short story.
Cover art by Greg Palko
It has been feeding off small farm animals for a few years now.  A local Cherokee tracker is mystified and attributes certain god-like attributes to this elusive fiend.  Cause for concern?  After all chickens, some baby goats, and other similar creatures seem to be the victims.  These unfortunate animals weren't just dragged away and eaten...that would be too easy.  In a Ron Shaw horror story, horror compounds the horror. These animal victims are sucked of all their blood, other bodily fluids, and bone marrow.  The Chupacabra?  Perhaps...but does that thing really exist?
The Chupacabra photographed by Chris Zisi
The cops are involved, and they are good cops.  A local deputy joins up with a Captain at The Tennessee State Police.  The fiend is stalking the remote woods at the Georgia-Tennessee border. I promised the author I would stop short of spoilers.  I will say that you readers waiting for the Mexican goat sucker, or UFOs, or vampire bats...well...I'll just say that those theories are so minor league compared to what awaits you as Uya unfolds. I will say that this Uya (...as the Cherokees call it) does not stop at chickens and roosters. I will also say that true horror does not stop at the toothy monster hiding in the dark.
Uya is a monster tale, but a monster tale on steroids. As Ron Shaw tells this story, the cops put a puzzle together and you think you are figuring out where this is going.  However horrific (there's that word again) the destination is...and however blood-curdling the monster may be...you will not be prepared for the ultimate theme of Uya: A Beast Like No Other.
To find Uya on Amazon, click this link Uya by Ron Shaw
For more information on Greg Palko's art, click here Greg Palko Designs

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Psycho Cop, You Have the Right to Die

Community Oriented Policing (COP) took flight in the 1990s. COP was due to be the savior of inner city neighborhoods beset by violent drug gangs. Its success? Debatable at best. Still around today, COP is largely a tool for local police departments to drain money from the U.S Treasury to start basketball leagues, move officers into grimy apartment buildings, and visit elementary schools. As a 25 year veteran of federal law enforcement, I can tell you any criticism of COP would fall on deaf and hostile ears as it has become a cash cow for local municipalities.. One may argue that COP is an improvement from Satanic Oriented Policing, which brings us to 1989's "Psycho Cop."
Psycho cop sacrifices a babe
Satanist/serial killer Joe Vickers (Robert R. Shafer) manages to pass a background check and become a police officer. As the film begins he has just sacrificed some babe (Julia Araskog) to the Prince of Darkness as a bickering, but good looking couple (David L. Zeisler and Denise Hartman) happen upon the scene. Witnesses are so inconvenient so Vickers murders them too. Enter three great looking couples on their way to an isolated but luxurious vacation home.  The couples seek to drink a lot of beer and have plenty of sex. Vickers follows them. Laura (Palmer Lee Todd) is the smartest of the sextet and she is suspicious of everything...unfortunately no one ever listens to her. The sultry Julie (Cindy Guyer) however, is adept at getting all her buddies to drop everything and look for her hairbrush.
Psycho cop swings an angry ax
The big menacing cop begins terrorizing these very shallow idiots who obsess about some caretaker who is only in the film for thirty seconds...don't ask.  The women look great sunbathing at the pool and spend most of the film either in swimsuits, looking for more beer, or looking for a hairbrush.  The guys spend their time trying to have sex with these ladies, looking for more beer, or looking for the aforementioned caretaker. Enter Joe the satanic cop...he begins picking them off one by one. He'll shove his billy club down some guy's throat, run his cruiser over one, and electrocute another guy. The deaths of the ladies will be just as good.  Oh yes...not to be outdone...Joe the satanist also continuously steals the sextet's beer...Fiend!
The unfortunate Julie
Will any of the hunks or babes survive this satanic arm of the law?  Will Julie's quest for her hairbrush spell doom for more than just her? As federal assistance dries up for the states, will Satanic Oriented Policing replace Community Oriented Policing?  Directed by Wallace Potts, "Psycho Cop" is a fine slasher film in which the death of its main characters brings us lots of smiles. Don't lose your beer while watching this one.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Blood Shack, Ninja Slasher and a Rodeo

Say what you must about 1971's "Blood Shack," at very least it is a useful film. Those triple features at drive-ins which ended before 11pm would only frustrate amorous teens seeking to make-out until midnight. Hence, a 55 minute slasher flick to take us up to the witching hour.  Perhaps this flick could have used an extra 20 minutes, but there is so much right with it, we can overlook some minor faults. For gratuitous drive-in elements, and some neat rodeo scenes, Ray Dennis Steckler's "Blood Shack" will beat "Love Shack" any day!
The unfortunate Connie
The lovely and perky Connie (Laurel Spring) feuds with her husband.  How does a liberated woman of the 1970s show up her husband? Exactly, run off and spend the night at a haunted house. This doesn't go well, I'm afraid. As soon as the sun sets, Connie strips to her undies. This striptease conjures up a weird specter in black, brandishing a sword, who chases her around the shack before skewing her several times. Bye bye Connie! Daniel (Jason Wayne), the caretaker of the ranch, finds Connie's corpse and buries the formerly pretty gal.  Daniel knows that the shack is haunted/cursed and anyone going into it will be killed by "the Chooper."  Enter the sultry Carol. She arrives at this dusty Arizona ranch, which has been in her family for 150 years.  Clad in white go-go boots and a very short dress, Carol is there to set up her life.
Run Daniel!
Despite Daniel's warnings, Carol is adamant about remaining. Tim (Ron Haydock) pays Carol a visit...actually he'll visit every few minutes, trying to force her to sell the ranch to him. Carol refuses. Our brunette protagonist likes to take showers and go to the rodeo. We see a lot of gratuitous rodeo and semi-gratuitous shower scenes during this slasher film. Uh oh...Connie's husband (John Bates) shows up looking for his precocious wife...he'll be skewered by the ninja like killer. A cop (Steve Edwards) will show up looking for the dead couple...he'll assume room temperature. As Carol repels an increasingly determined Tim, it is apparent that Daniel knows the secret of the shack and is determined to keep it a secret.
Run Carol!
What is the secret of the the blood shack? Will our ninja-like slasher follow Carol into one of her showers? Will Tim's inability to take Carol's rejection ultimately spell his doom? This film may have some short comings but is more genuine than Christopher Nolan's CGI infested "Dunkirk." Fans of 1970s drive-in horror will want to find "Blood Shack."  

Friday, July 21, 2017

To All a Goodnight, Santa Shreds the Beautiful

As a bikini babe in 1984's "Up the Creek," Jennifer Runyon enthralled millions of teen boys. Still a stunning actress and producer today, Ms. Runyon also played in her share of horror films, including 1993's "Carnosaur." Today we examine a classic slasher film in which our blonde beauty portrays a very clean-cut final girl, 1980's "To All a Goodnight." Oh yes, I almost forgot...the screenplay of this film was created by Alex Rebar.  Mr. Rebar played the title character in "The Incredible Melting Man."
Santa and his ax
Christmas break has come for the lovelies at an exclusive all girls finishing school. A quintet of babes are remaining at the school for the break. Nancy (Runyon) is a very pure gal but her buddies are a bit more promiscuous.  Also remaining is Mrs. Jensen (Kiva Lawrence), the housemother. The girls invite their rich boyfriends, who arrive by private plane...must be nice. As the gals plan, we get some very gratuitous nude and lingerie shots of Cynthia (Lisa Labowski). Her and her beau will be slaughtered by a maniac, and neither will be missed. The boys arrive and foreplay begins, as will pre-marital sex and beer drinking (Pabst Blue Ribbon...seriously!..these rich kids are gargling with PBR?). One of the gals, Trisha (Angela Bath), an alluring sort with a seductive British accent will have her throat cut by a slasher clad as Santa Claus on her way to getting more PBR.
Shower head
As the kids fornicate, Nancy roams the cavernous sorority-type house sipping on a glass of milk. Our Santa slasher will decapitate more of these rich kids with either knives or axes, and the virgin Nancy will bond with the geeky virgin Alex (Forrest Swanson). The two make a cute couple and one could see them both finishing off a whole gallon of milk.  Oh yes, the creepy gardener who carries around hedge clippers warns the virgin Nancy that evil is about and she should pray. As more babes and hunks are skewered or torn apart, our killer finishes off one schmuck with an airplane propeller (Yes!).
Two virgins
Will Santa instill a sense of morality in this unfortunate finishing school by wasting all of its fornicators? Couldn't the makers of "To All a Goodnight" land a deal with Heineken instead of Pabst Blue Ribbon?  Will the virgin Nancy and the virgin Alex succumb to Santa's ax, or de-virginize themselves?  With lots of great kills, some gratuitous nudity and gore, "To All a Goodnight" is classic 1980s slasher fare. This Christmas, instead of the preachy and annoying "Polar Express," watch a film you actually want to see..."To All a Goodnight."

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Brides of Blood, Mutant Plant Rapist

Ah the Peace Corps! Travel to exotic lands and help the unfortunate natives. What could go wrong? Civil War? Famine and disease? Cannibals? Perhaps, but in 1968's "Brides of Blood" our noble warriors of altruism are beset by radioactive mutants, man-eating banana trees and a very amorous and misogynistic mutant humanoid.
Alma
Our Peace Corps team is about to land on Blood Island. Dr. Paul Henderson (Kent Taylor) is preparing his test tubes for experiments. Jim (John Ashley) is reviewing his plans to build an irrigation system for the hapless and very superstitious natives. Carla (Beverly Powers), Paul's wife, is having very rough sex with a swarthy, young crew member. Don't be too hard on Carla, Paul is a cold fish.  Upon landing, our trio witness the natives performing a ceremony which entails throwing the severed and torn body parts of native babes into the sea. We should not be judgmental, but Paul, Jim, and Carla are unsettled by this display.  You guessed it, the babes are sacrificed to some evil god who rapes them and tears the women from limb to limb. Perhaps a metaphor for the female plight in a very paternalistic culture.
God monster accepts virgin sacrifice
Okay, Jim grows quite close to Alma (Eva Darren), an island girl. As Paul and Jim help the natives and Paul finds mutant specimens of crabs and fauna, the god-monster continues to rape and shred babes. The trio accept the invite of Esteban Powers (Mario Montenegro), the handsome and exotic plantation owner at the opposite end of the island.  Carla does everything she can to bed Powers. Powers is served by a team of midgets...don't ask.  As tentacled trees try to eat Carla, she is often rescued by Jim or Paul. No cause for alarm here...mutants will be mutants. Uh oh, Esteban appears to be suffering from a mysterious malady and Carla is really wanting extra-marital sex. See what's coming?  Uh oh, Alma is selected to be the next sacrifice and her beau, Jim, is willing to go to war with the natives to rescue her.  Carla is willing to brave the man-eating banana trees to have sex with Powers.
Carla finds a taker for sex
Will Alma's virginity end in sprays of red and internal organs? Will Carla find carnal pleasure with Powers, the midgets, or something more un-godly?  Will Jim's war for Alma's virtue start a conflict which will be deadlier than the god-monster?  This is a good one, and the gore and nudity are front and center.  Made in the Philippines and directed by Eddie Romero and Gerardo de Leon, "Brides of Blood" is pure gold for fans of horror exploitation films.

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Corrupt Half, A Japanese Ghost Story American Style

We all love those Japanese ghost stories. The ominous women coming back from the dead seeking revenge from some past evil deed. In life, the antagonist was beautiful and vulnerable...in death, ominous and creepy. Hair covering her face and a homicidal attitude always makes this specter seem invincible. Throw in some young, good-looking protagonists and the Japanese have hit on timeless horror themes.  Wait...enter Rod Wess!  This isn't a Japanese film, but one from Colorado. Later in 2017, "The Corrupt Half" will be screened at various film festivals around the world (hopefully that includes Japan).  If the Japanese can scare you with tales of Geisha women, pagodas, and bamboo...well...Rod Wess will creep you out with tales of ghosts in town-homes, laptops, and pretty women.
Alas, pretty damsels don't fare will in this film. Natalie (Ashley Abendschein) has committed suicide...or has she?  She was young, nubile, and in love.  Her evil sister pushed her to do the ultimate deed...and now Natalie is back. When the dead return, it is never good. The carnage starts before we meet Ashley (Kendra Buck) and Sarah (Felicia Tassone). The two unwitting babes move into the town-house and find a laptop and HDTV have been left. Natalie begins to communicate with us the viewer immediately and fills us in on her story...at least part of it.  Her suicide won't be the last at this address as Natalie goes to work on Sarah's vulnerable boyfriend, Scott (Danny Bohnen)...he'll off himself in Sarah's bedroom.
No spoilers here, but the suicides continue as Natalie picks her victims to work her evil on.  Very pretty Jodi (Mariah Salazar), a horror blogger, tries to help...but Natalie isn't into good Samaritans and Jodi's fate will be horrific.  But wait!  Is Natalie really evil?  Or is there something else on the other side seeking vengeance? As our two protagonists are hurled further and further into otherworldly terror, Natalie's actions become more bold and her true intentions are revealed...and they are even more terrifying than revenge.  Will our beautiful duo survive long enough to have a house warming party? What did happen to Natalie and is she really the evil antagonist that decimates fair young ladies?
Fans of Japanese horror will be right at home in Rod Wess' "The Corrupt Half." The actresses are fantastic and the menacing spirit will pop up in your nightmares. Revenge and vengeance are great themes in ghost stories, but this one is a bit more complicated and eerie...you'll see. Oh yes, the fate of the horror blogger Jodi has put me on edge, so I leave you with a warning...see "The Corrupt Half" and if you are a horror blogger, it will be at your own peril.
"The Corrupt Half" link on IMDB The Corrupt Half on IMDB
Trailer on YouTube Trailer for The Corrupt Half

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Victims!, Damsels Tortured and Humiliated

In the first two  minutes of this film, even before the credits, a beautiful woman arriving home is axed in the face, a nude woman in bed is chopped up with a meat cleaver, and a perky brunette is stabbed several times by a transvestite while walking down the street. Again, this all occurs less than two minutes after the the film begins. Awful exploitation I know and these scenes do nothing else than promote misogyny...awful! Tasteless and without any redeeming value, I give you 1985's "Victims!"
Four nubile geology students (Ava Kaufman, Ann Richardson, Geri Schlessel, and Pam Richards) head to the desert to study rocks and go skinny dipping. Susan, Janet, Lisa, and Debbie dress like hussies (not my word, but an old prude who catches a glance at them) showing a lot of skin and jiggling their wares catch the eyes of two psychos, Peter and Eric (Robert Axelrod and Lonny Withers). These two sex maniacs follow our quartet into the desert and watch them frolic, strip, and skinny dip.
The perverts then make their move. Janet will be injured avoiding a rattlesnake, but the real horrors are about to begin. Peter, holding a rifle, takes Debbie and Lisa. He orders Debbie to strip and for Lisa to then perform lesbian sex on her. Meanwhile, Eric rapes Susan while Janet watches helplessly. With her bikini back on, Debbie makes a daring move that could turn the tables on her tormentors.
Will our quartet of beauties survive this ordeal? Will Debbie's bold move lead to the castration of the psychos? How could any sane human being even think of watching this sexploitation trash? I only watched this film for scientific purposes.  As awful as this film is, it is infinitely better than the Mila Kunis disaster, "Jupiter Ascending." Enjoy...I mean avoid at all costs...though it is a better take than any George Clooney recent film..."Victims!"

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Scared to Death, The Birth of Syngenor

Syngenor was a sequel? Who knew? 1990's Syngenor had a beginning, just like the titular creature. Ten years earlier the lesser known "Scared to Death" shocked movie audiences...at least the sparse audiences that saw it. Syngenor, to refresh your memory, is short for Synthetic-Genetic-Organism...in other words, it is a life form created in a laboratory. Those of us who have created life in a lab know the challenges faced by the evil corporations undertaking these experiments.
Jennifer meets the Syngenor
The cops believe they are looking for a serial killer...boy are they wrong. As the film begins a slimy creature rises out of the sewer and finds its way to the home of a babe who just happens to be prancing around naked, and then in lingerie. She is torn to shreds by the thing. Pretty coed Janine (Pamela Bowman) will be next as the fiend beats her to a pulp and rips off her leg. The cops are mystified as the carnage continues. The boring and dimwitted Ted (John Stinson) is a former cop who had to resign because...well...we don't know exactly but probably had to do with a psyche eval. He hesitantly agrees to help the cops find the killer. Ted doesn't do much work on this case because he meets the sultry Jennifer (Diana Davidson). They grow close and have steamy pre-marital sex. Don't get too attached to her because as soon as the Syngenor grabs her, french kisses her, and drains her spinal fluid, she is reduced to a drooling lunatic. No big deal, Ted finds another babe.
The Syngenor gets ready for a French kiss
The other babe? Sherry (Toni Jannetta)! She used to work for a mad-scientist at an evil corporation that created the monster. At first Ted doesn't believe her, but after the Syngenor rips apart a pretty roller-skater (Joleen Porcaro) and messes up Jennifer, he changes his tune. As the Syngenor rips apart some more babes and sewer workers, Sherry is able to lead Ted to its lair.  But wait!  Uh oh, the creature doesn't always kill...nope...it has other uses for humans.  No spoilers here, but the last half hour of this film will chill you pretty good. Intending to kill the Syngenor, Ted and Sherry, who have no plan...by the way, make a horrific discovery.  This discovery will demonstrate that there are fates worse than death.
A fate worse than death
Will Ted ever visit the drooling Jennifer in the psychiatric hospital? Is Sherry's knowledge of the Syngenor experiments sufficient for her to figure out a way to kill it?  What terrible discoveries made in the Syngenor's lair will change the game plan of Ted and Sherry?  More low-budget than its 1990 sequel, "Scared to Death" is just as vicious and ultimately more creepy.  Directed by William Malone, this is a horror film that should not be missed by fans of the 1980 monster film.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Ekimmu: The Dead Lust, Fascination American Style

Jean Rollin's Fascination is an arty and subtle trek into surreal vengeance. Andy Koontz' "Ekimmu: The Dead Lust" is a loud and bloody intrusion into the demented mind.  Both films are erotic and horrific. Rollin's film is enhanced by a beautiful and subdued classical-type score. Mr. Koontz, who crafts his own score, is aided by an ominous and pounding melody. Both filmmakers delve into the taboo. Both Koontz and Rollin send us the same warning, when beauty and allure come calling...RUN!
Beth and Sarah
Beth (Chloe Francis) and Mike (Ethan Hoyt) are so cute. Young lovers, totally drawn into each other. Knowing this is a horror flick, we fear for them.  From the outset a menacing demon (Nina Tomica) sets her sights on them.  This demon seems to mock their plight and soon asserts herself in between their wills.  In addition to Beth and Mike's love, something else is going on, and it is gory and horrible. Murder and mayhem...but who are the victims and killers? Enter Sarah (Carissa Becker). Who is she? A victim? Perhaps.
Demon
Sarah's entry into the lives of our young lovers isn't by chance. Sarah has her sights on sultry Beth...but why? No spoilers here. Also enter Steven (Jeff Argubright). He pursues Sarah with a vengeance. Does he want to kill Sarah, and if so why? As helpless and vulnerable as Sarah seems, Steven pleads with Mike to beware and avoid her at all costs. Too late!  Just when you get hold of where the plot is going, the intensity and gore are turned up several degrees. As our aforementioned demon seems to strengthen her foothold in Mike and Beth's lives, Steven's desperation to capture Sarah intensifies. Where does this leave our lovebirds?
Sarah
Will Mike and Beth survive the onslaught of evil and gore and continue their torrid love affair? Will demonic forces and monstrous killings put an end to young love? Just who is Sarah and what are her intentions for the nubile Sarah? Indie filmmaker Andy Koontz has crafted an intense and bloody tale of fate, demonic intrusion, and...well...you'll see. For you young lovers out there, there is so much for you to learn, take "Ekimmu: The Dead Lust" as a warning. Chilling, vicious and blood curdling, this film will seduce and scare the pants off you.
Official Website Ekimmu Website
Facebook Ekimmu on Facebook
Twitter Ekimmu on Twitter

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Revolt of the Zombies, The Undead of Cambodia

In the 1970s, Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge swept through Cambodia's capital, Phnom Penh. The Khmer Rouge murdered a few million peaceful Cambodians to set up an anti-western civilization utopia. Anyone who Pol Pot saw as a threat, which ended up being anyone with schooling, were butchered along with their families. Fearing Pol Pot might set his sights eastward, the Vietnamese needed to act fast. Fresh from a victory over the Americans, the Vietnamese army rolled into Phnom Penh and drove the Khmer Rouge into the wilderness toward the Thai border. The 1970s were not a decade of justice and mass murderer Pol Pot was tried by the United Nations and would die peacefully under house arrest. In 1936, the horror of the killing fields had not yet occurred, but Cambodia contained another, more classic horror...zombies! Hence 1936's "Revolt of the Zombies."
Cambodian zombies at the front
To help defeat Germany in The Great War (World War 1), the French bring a brigade of Franco-Cambodian troops to fight on the border with Austria.  The Cambodians have been turned into zombie fighting machines by a demented monk and are immune to German bullets. The Cambodian undead then shred the Germans.  Realizing this battle tactic could spell doom for the human race, the French send a team to Cambodia to find the secret of the zombies and destroy it. Captain Louque (Dean Jagger) is a handsome officer on this mission who falls in love with the general's daughter, Claire (Dorothy Stone). Uh oh, after the two fall in love, Claire discards Louque for the more callous Grayson (Robert Noland). Scorned and humiliated, Louque comes up with an evil plan.
Love triangle
On his own accord, Louque sneaks in to the temple in Angkor and discovers the secret of turning men into zombies. He ends up turning all of Cambodia into his zombie slaves and threatens to kill Grayson unless Claire marries him.  As the death count mounts and a peaceful third world nation again falls to French interference, there seems no stopping Louque.  The beautiful blonde Claire has only two weapons...her sex-appeal and an undying love for the brute Grayson.
Louque turns Cambodians into zombies
Will Louque successfully harness his power over Cambodia to marry the fair Claire?  Is this film a metaphor for western European chauvenism over the free will of the fairer sex? Is this movie a pre-cursor to the anti-western sentiment in southeast Asia which led to the expelling of the French? Cambodia is a beautiful country but even today danger lurks. The remnants of the Khmer Rouge survive near the Thai border. Let us hope these fiends do not find the secrets within the temple at Angkor. For a nice companion piece to "White Zombie," enjoy "Revolt of the Zombies," directed by Victor Halperin.

Friday, July 7, 2017

2020 Texas Gladiators, Lone Star Apocalypse

"Creating a permanent home from the ruins of a nuclear apocalypse is complicated," utters the beautiful Sabrina Siani in 1992's "2020 Texas Gladiators." Those of us who have done just that know the wisdom in which Ms. Siani's character speaks.  You remember Ms. Siani from my review of Ten Zan: The Ultimate Mission . Ms. Siani, for that film, traveled to North Korea to make a film for, and crafted by Kim Jong Il. Say what you want about that enigmatic dictator, he does make better films than "Jupiter Ascending" and "Thor." Though Jesus Franco labelled Ms. Siani as one of the worst actresses he ever met, this blonde beauty makes terrific films and is more talented than either Mila Kunis or Diane Keaton.
Evil marauder approaches Miada
Nuclear apocalypse decimates the world and evil storm-trooper type marauders rape and pillage any vestiges of civilization. As the sultry Maida (Siani) witnesses her friends pillaged and she is almost raped, Nisus (Al Cliver) saves her. Nisus is a ranger, part of a group of noble wasteland warriors. Maida, sensing potential mate material, brings Nisus back to her colony. This colony is a refinery which harnesses a new energy source which may be key in reconstituting a post nuclear society. Bad news, the evil marauders attack, kill Nisus, grab Maida, and sell her as a sex slave to a Texas gunfighter.
Miada looks for revenge
Because Maida is so good looking, more rangers come and rescue her. This time, Maida and her new ranger buddies are chased into the forest where they team up with grouchy Indians. Now Maida is mad and through being raped and sold as meat. She grabs a shotgun and joins the Indians and rangers as they head back to re-take to refinery from the evil forces who dress like Nazis.  With Maida pumping her shotgun, and rangers with machine-guns and rifles, and Indians with bows and arrows, our ragtag army must defeat a heavily equipped fighting force in order to restore goodness to an apocalyptic wasteland.
Miada and her ranger buddies
Will the ultimate winner earn the affections of Maida? Will the Indians fight nobly and again be cheated out of their land? If Jesus Franco saw this film, would he change his opinion of Ms. Saini? Is Mr. Franco's opinion of Ms. Siani heavily influenced by the fact that she refused to have sex with him? Instead of paying big bucks to see the newest "Transformers" bore-a-thon, take in this Italian exploitation epic "2020 Texas Gladiators," directed by Joe D'Amato.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Patrick Still Lives, Telekinetic Doom for Nude Women

Not much good comes out of being alive long after death comes calling. Being attached to machines and stuck in a coma really messes up one's social life. After a few days, friends stop visiting and even the doctors and nurses don't empty your bedpan as often.  However, if a mad scientist takes you under his wing, there is hope. In the case of Patrick, a coma after a severe head injury hardly interferes with a young man's quest to rape and murder. Hence 1980's horror film from Italy, "Patrick Still Lives."
The Senator and Cheryl
A freak accident puts Patrick (Gianni Dei) in a coma for the rest of his life. Fortunately for him ,his dad is Dr. Herschel...mad scientist. At his country villa, Herschel has a lab where he maintains Patrick and three other schmucks in comas. Herschel then invites five guests to his villa. Invite? Actually the five guests were blackmailed into visiting. The guests: the over sexed nymphomaniac Stella (Mariangela Giordano), her stud beau Peter (John Benedy), Italian senator Lyndon (Franco Silva) and his whore wife Cheryl (Carmen Russo). Dr. Herschel has plans for them...and he will use Patrick to enact them. Herschel has figured out a way in which Patrick can maim and murder while in a coma using telekinetic powers. Patrick has refined his abilities to rip clothes off buxom women and rape his dad's pretty secretary, Lydia (Andrea Belfiore).
Stella
As the guests lounge around, have lots of sex, and prance around nude...Patrick begins his wrath. The death scenes remarkable, One of them will be boiled in the swimming pool, and the women? Let us just say the makers of this film were incredibly misogynistic. One woman will have her sex organs chewed off by German Shepherds and another one will have a large spike hammered up her...well, you'll see. Oh yes, this film has one of the best cat-fights ever put on film. As people die horribly, it is obvious Patrick has more in mind than just homicide.
Major league cat-fight
What common bond do the guests have which called them to the villa? What will be the fate of Patrick's sexual plaything, Lydia? Will Dr. Herschel meet a similar fate as most mad scientists, that of having their own experiments turn on them? Decapitations and sexual debauchery rule this sexual-horror flick. Directed by Mario Landi, "Patrick Still Lives" is one of the most misogynistic horror films you'll see this week.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Evils of the Night, Space Vampires Ginger and Cat Woman vs. Nymphomaniacs

A hospital run by alien doctors which include Julie Newmar, Tina Louise, and John Carradine. This trio are aided by alien lesbian space babes acting as nurses, and who love to make-out with each other. Their objects of desire? Nubile bikini babes and their hunk boyfriends. These babes and hunks have lots of pre-marital sex and partake in lots of skinny-dipping. Oh yes, the babes like to rub lotion all over their topless cohorts.  I know, you're thinking, "how did I miss this one?!" Hence 1985's "Evils of the Night."
Alien lesbian spacebabe nurses 
Space aliens have taken up in an abandoned hospital in order to collect college students for the purpose of draining their blood.  This alien race needs the youngsters' blood to save their own race. Cora (Tina Louise), space-babe, hires two redneck mechanics (Neville Brand and Aldo Ray) to collect the hunks and babes. These two drooling perverts are only too happy to satisfy the beauty from outer space, as they also get to rape the bikini gals.  A nearby lake is where the students hang out and pre-marital sex, gratuitous suntan lotion rubbing, and skinny dipping rule the day. As the two head aliens, Dr. Kozmar (Carradine) and Dr. Zorma (Newmar) demand more nubile teens, lesbian space babe nurses prep the students for blood letting.
Cat Woman and Ginger in the lab
As beautiful nymphomaniacs fall to the aliens, Nancy (Karie Emerson) escapes from her hospital room. Nancy will have to overpower these space-babe lesbian nurses, which she does, and run to safety for help. Also, two blonde beauties (G.T. Taylor and Bridget Hollomon) and their hunk beau must free themselves from their bindings at the garage of the two rednecks before the gals are raped and turned over to Cora.  As Zorma and Kozmar fret that they still don't have enough blood to save their planet, Cora does her best to secure the teens.  As Nancy makes a break, her and Cora will engage in some nice cat-fights, and the future of the human race is dependent on Nancy prevailing.
Prepping babes for rape and blood letting
Who will survive and who will perish?  The answer might surprise you as the plot doesn't follow the classic horror script.  Can Nancy fight off the lesbian space-babe nurses and Cora to help her friends and the rest of mankind?  Will Cat Woman and Ginger engage in an erotic cat-fight? Are alien-lesbian-space-babe-nurses the most underused plot device in cinematic history? Heavy of gratuitous sex and nudity, "Evils of the Night" is the perfect film for B horror film fans.  Fans of the TV shows "Batman" and  "Gilligan's Island" will love seeing Ginger and Cat Woman team up to conquer humanity.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

72 Hours, The Length of a Zombie Apocalypse

Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc is one of my favorite short horror film makers. Last November I reviewed her very short film Border Patrol on this blog. A zombie film? Yes! ...I mean no.  I mean, yeah, the smelly unmentionables were looming just beyond the camera, but that film was more about what becomes of us, the pseudo-survivors. How long does it take for us to lose all hope after the dearly departed show up for an encore? Hence Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc's "72 Hours."
A young wife is holed up in her bathroom. We have to give her credit. She and her husband were 100% correct to prepare for a zombie apocalypse. After all, Noah's neighbors thought he was insane...then the skies opened up. Sure, this couple stored food and supplies. For us the viewer, we have the young wife's account of the last three days...or the first three days of the end of the world. A good plan usually doesn't survive the first gunshot of a battle, and this adage is true even for a zombie apocalypse. Sadly, as gunshots ring out in the background and severed limbs and loose intestines stink up the living room, all is not good for our lady heroine.
What happens next? "72 Hours" shows us the creeping deterioration of the human psyche after all goes to hell.  No matter how much preparation and strategy exist in this household, the deadly and rotting reality always has the upper hand.  Grim, terrifying, and ominous, like "Border Patrol," this is not really a zombie film, but a story of what becomes of good people after all appears to be gone. Unlike "Border Patrol," where we see the deterioration of person hood some time after the end, "72 Hours" shows the toll on a young woman after a very short period of time. This isn't the feel good film of the millennium, but "72 Hours" will cause you to think about the tenets that hold you together and how precarious those tenets are.  
To view "72 Hours" on YouTube, click this link  72 Hours

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Something is Creeping in the Dark, Orgies and Seances

The sultry vixen prances in circles around an all white room as the breeze pushes her thin, white gown against her body. She wants sex with the carnal beast of a man who has entered. He lustfully examines her dance and he himself dances in circles, following her around this white chamber. She teases and flirts but he catches the babe and slaps her silly. She likes it and continues to tease and dance...again he catches her.  Both yearning for sex he begins to slap her again, but this time she repeatedly plunges a dagger into his belly as his blood spatters all the walls. Instead of yelping in pain he laughs hysterically, mocking her as she continues to plunge the edged weapon into his gut.  The white vixen is now humiliated. If that scene appeals to you, I give you another Italian horror film, 1971's "Something is Creeping in the Dark."
Sylvia and Spike's death dance
Sheila Marlow, a bisexual satanist, into the occult and various other black arts, died a year ago. Her mansion is tended to by pseudo-hippy Joe( Gianni Medici), a free-love sort and his paramour (Giulia Revai). On a stormy night assorted weirdos seek refuge from floods at this mansion, but Joe is not hospitable. No matter, a detective with a gun orders him to allow entry and he brings in his homicidal prisoner, Spike (Farley Granger). Also arriving is the nymphomaniac Sylvia (Lucia Bose) and her dull husband Donald (Giacomo Rossi Stuart), Dr. Williams (Stelvio Rosi) and his nubile but prudish secretary Susan (Mia Genberg)...and a few more. Everyone is bickering and tense so Sylvia suggests an orgy (...I guess she isn't into Pictionary). Despite her sultry looks, no one takes her up on it. Her next suggestion finds some takers...a seance to chat with the dead bisexual satanic beauty. Great, nothing can possibly go wrong.
Anyone for an orgy?
Of course Sheila's spirit comes back and starts possessing people. At one point Sylvia approaches the prudish Susan and inspects her lingerie. Then Susan is possessed and she seduces the doctor as they have some wild sex. Then the possessions turn violent and people begin to assume room temperature. As Sylvia fantasizes about sex with Spike, her husband gets jealous and he himself then gets possessed. More death and violence as our two vixens may either be in great danger or the cause of the peril.
Susan seduces the doctor
Made in Italy and high in eroticism and violence, "Something is Creeping in the Dark" will satisfy fans of horror from Italy. Will the ghost of Sheila either have sex with everyone in the house or kill them all?  Is Sylvia's desire for rough sex with a homicidal maniac more of a threat to her than the ghost of the satanist bisexual? If Trivial Pursuit had been invented in the early 1970s, would all of this carnage have been avoided?  Erotic and chilling, enjoy "Something is Creeping in the Dark."

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Devils of Darkness, Vampire Cult vs. Dullard

Peter Cushing was never boring. As Van Helsing in those great Hammer vampire films, he was classy, sophisticated, and genius.  When taking on Dracula, he was capable and wise beyond a single lifetime.  1965's "Devils of Darkness" is not a Hammer film, but one might hazard to say that it influenced the direction of Hammer vampire films. Made in England, and directed by Lance Comfort (sounds like a porn star), this film was set in contemporary France and England as opposed to a more Gothic time. Though we have a suave and mysterious vampire, the hero is...well...boring.
Tania the gypsy girl
Buried alive in the 16th century for crimes of the occult, Count Sinistre (Hubert Noel) can't be kept down.  In modern day Brittany the erotic and gratuitous tambourine dance by sultry gypsy Tania (Carole Gray) awakens him. He breaks out of his coffin and turns Tania into his vampire bride. Vacationing in Brittany is Paul (William Sylvester). He sits around and does nothing and the people at the inn desperately want him to leave.  Instead of leaving, he just sits around some more. The boredom he festers is just too much so Count Sinistre abducts Paul's girl Anne (Rona Anderson). She is also boring and a perfect 10...well, maybe a five, actually. So boring, the count burns her alive instead of turning her.
Sinistre prepares Karen to be his new bride
Paul is mad! Okay, perhaps mad is a strong word, slightly perturbed. Paul begins investigating and discovers the occult and witchcraft are rampant in Brittany.  He meets Karen (Tracy Reed) at a hippie orgy, though he doesn't partake in the festivities. As Paul's investigation, most of it in a boring library, annoys the count, he sets his sight on both Karen and anyone who hangs out with Paul. Paul's friends begin to die horribly and Sinistre abducts Karen. Uh oh...Paul may be boring but the gypsy beauty/vampire bride Tania is not. Tania is now a vampire woman scorned and she desires revenge against Sinistre's new object of desire and the vampire himself.  Will vampire beauty Tania join forces with the very ordinary Paul?
Sinistre on the run with Karen
Despite Paul's lack of vitality and passion, this film has a lot of energy and intrigue. Betrayals and an ominous death cult run rampant across France and London, and the vampire brides are stunning. Karen is a fascinating character. She is a pseudo Goth model, and then a sultry vampire babe. Perhaps her turning into a subservient vampire bride from a fiercely independent liberated woman is a metaphor for western civilization's hostility toward true feminism. Yeah...or maybe this is just a neat vampire film with a suave and debonair count and his sultry brides. In any case, enjoy "Devils of Darkness."

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Gimme Head: The Tale of the Cuyahoga Valley Bigfoot

He is elusive. The enigmatic beast has kept us guessing since the founding of these great United States. A weird skunk-ape? The product of an overactive imagination? Or a monster stalking campers and outsmarting hunters? Bigfoot! As secretive as this fiend is, there are no shortage of Bigfoot sightings.  All 50 states (...well, I'm not sure about Hawaii) have witnesses to this thing. Bigfoot has also captured the imagination of horror film makers. Many Syfy Channel films, and even "The Six Million Dollar Man" has used Sasquatch as the subject of their movies and episodes. Can you imagine what Ed Wood, or Maryland's own Don Dohler would have done with the Bigfoot legend? Wonder no more, hence Logan Fry's fabulous horror short, "Gimme Head: The Tale of the Cuyahoga Valley Bigfoot."
The beautiful Annie loses her head
Okay, picture Barry Levinson's "Diner" meshed with "Plan 9 from Outer Space." Sasquatch (Gary Moon) is terrorizing Ohio, pulling off the heads of anyone who roams too far into the woods. A group of five diner patrons are captivated by the legendary monster and seek to find him. This quest will have bloody results and the quintet will quickly shrink in number. Anne (Bailey Jursik) will be the first diner to lose her head.  But wait!  A plan...and it concerns breasts. Sonja (Meghana Lynn) has the largest among the group, so she is set up to take the point and lead the now quartet to the hairy thing. But will the rather large assets of Sonja soothe the savage beast?
The elusive Bigfoot
Campy, rough, and amateurish, "Gimme head..." is hilarious and fast paced.  If you loved "Plan 9 from Outer Space," or Don Dohler's "Nightbeast" you will instantly take to "Gimme Head..."  Still being fine tuned, Logan Fry's interpretation of the Bigfoot legend remains less preachy and stiff than that "Six Million Dollar Man" episode.  Furthermore, no slow motion in this one!  In the spirit of Ed Wood film-making, this horror short is not quite finished, but Mr. Fry will let you see his work just by clicking on the link below.  I have kept lots of hilarious plot elements up my sleeve to avoid spoilers, but rest assured, there is a lot here in this less than 20 minute short.
Gimme Head
Gimme Head on IMDB
Gimme Head Trailer

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The Monster that Challenged the World, Mollusk Carnage

A snail? Yep...don't laugh. Take a half dozen of these mollusk things, add a bit of radiation, and...well...kiss the planet goodbye. Yes...when escargot goes completely mad we are left with 1957's "The Monster that Challenged the World." So remember, next time you dine at a ritzy French restaurant, as you sip on some Chablis and nibble on your little shelled friends, that if the radiation levels in the kitchen elevate just a little, the mollusk entree could be nibbling on you.
The monster reveals
An earthquake in California's Salton Sea opens up an underwater cave filled with monster, giant snails. Three sailors aboard a navy launch are the first to have their juices sucked out by the fiends. No nonsense navy commander Lt. John Twillinger (Tim Holt), call him Twill, is on the case. He is mystified and enlists the help of navy doctor Jess Rogers (Hans Conreid). With a heart of stone, Twill meets the pretty secretary of Rogers, Gail (Audrey Dalton), and now has two missions....find out what killed the sailors and woo this exotic widow. Uh oh, the sultry Jody (Barbara Darrow) and her BF decide on a midnight swim in the Salton Sea. Jody strips off her dress revealing a white swimsuit that would make Julia Adams ("Creature from the Black Lagoon") proud.  Yep, both this white clad bathing beauty and her beau will have their juices sucked out.
Jody, snail bait
As Gail tells Twill all about the hardships of widowhood, he intensifies his goo-goo eyes. A break! Divers recover a monster egg sack and bring it back to Rogers' lab. Also, while recovering the formerly stunning Jody, the monsters attack revealing themselves to Twill and Rogers, while sucking dry another diver. Now Rogers and Twill know what they are fighting. No matter, Twill takes a break from saving the world and takes Gail on a romantic dinner in Mexico.  After a cold shower, Twill enacts a plan.  See, the Salton Sea has hundreds of canals. If the sea beasts get into the canals and reach civilized areas...well...as Dr. Rogers says...the planet could be wiped out. As the deaths pile up, the monsters find a way onto land and a path to the vulnerable Gail.
Gail in much peril
Will our creatures make it to population centers?  Will Twill's plan succeed to kill the monsters and also hook the nubile but sultry widow? Is that last question a metaphor of the plight of most of the world's male population?  Just what is it about babes in white swimsuits that captured the imagination of monsters and horror film makers?  "The Monster that Challenged the World" is a good one and the acting is first-rate. Though made in 1957, the horror of the giant snails is ripped right out of today's headlines.